Thursday, 31 May 2007

Exuses, Exuses.

I dont want to be an olympic swimmer anymore.

I think I could set my sights on something of more prestige and power than a pathetic swimmer. On the subject, I am now, much to my surprise - you will hear about that soon, substituting 3 lessons on Monday. So it seems I am well on my way to prestige and power.

A good day today! Started off with helping out in a maths class (or as they say over here math class. Whats that about? Your not just going to learn one formula, bust out the plural!) but the kids went out for photos about 15 minutes into the class. So that was that. The classes at the school I work in are 47 mins long. 'WHY?', I asked. The teacher didnt really know. It seems that most of the school is like this, people not really knowing what is going on. All the time kids are walking around the school and setting up tables to sell stuff from. After buying some lemonade from a conveniently placed table, I saw my friends setting up the vollyball nets so I joined them and started to play. We wanted a match so we challanged some students to a game. We won every game and I tell you what, we sent those girls home crying. There is no such thing as a gentleman in Mexico. It was the first time I had played vollyball, and I dont think I did to bad. Professional Vollyballer? Nah, no power and its hardly a prestigous sport.

After schooling the girls, we went over to play some American Football with the 7th grade. Re-reading this blog I can see that I was obviously a bully today, just taking on people that I knew I could beat. BUT, we lost the game of American Football... I got two touchdowns, but we lost. The sun was in my eyes, I am still a bit jet lagged, I need the toilet and that kid on the other team poked his tounge out at me. It wasnt MY fault we lost. I am always going to write the full 'American Football' because Football is ours and the name Soccor just dosn't cut it! It was my first game of American Football to - two new sports in one day, perhaps I should be a profesional sporterer?

Walking back from Football we had a little talk about Englishness. Somehow we got onto the subject of cockney language, an American friend had never even heard of what we were talking about. Some classics that came up were, Dog and Bone, Apples and Pairs, Noah's Ark, Oily Rag, Bees and Honey. I'm not going to explain them, if you are proper Brits then you will know. We started making some up - a favourite we made up was 'You aint got no Dollar Bills'.

The second half of the day I was back in the resource room, where I ate 3 ice lollies. Not bad for a days work. The best part of it is that I just spoke some english real fast to the guy selling them and I managed to get them for cinco pesos instead of seis. Blagged it my friends, blagged it proper.

Now, about the substitute lessons. I was in the resource room doing my work, mostly cutting out loads of laminated dollar bills, Im being put to extremely worthwhile work, one of the teachers came in. He spoke in Spanish first and when my face continued to stare blankly back at his he muttered 'Oh, English' and spoke to me in English. He asked if I could cover his lessons on Monday. My thoughts went something like this,

"What did he say, oh right he is talking in English, thats good. Now, what did he say... WHATTT substitute lessons? But I dont speak any spanish and this school is chaos. I cant control them! Its ok, maybe he wasnt talking to me. Nope he is looking right at me, ok think Phil think. Say i'm allergic to teaching? No that wont work. Close your eyes Phil and pretend you are asleep. No thats stupid I have already talked to him... dammit. How many windows in the room? Could I dive out the window? Nope! There are bars across the window. Errrrmmmmm, exits? Just one and thats behind him. Ok its been about 5 seconds now he probably needs an answer. Cough like you have something in your throat, now look into space like you are thinking. Good. Bought yourself a few more seconds. Work on some exuses; "Im going to be sick on Monday", "Im having my haircut", "Im flying home on Monday, short notice". No they are all rubbish. Get out your phone and pretend that Mum is calling me. NOO left my phone on charge, which is stupid really - I can't even use it in Mexico. Actually I wonder how my family is doing, come to mention that I wonder how the UK is doing. I havnt seen the news in ages. Wowa, back to the problem in hand. Ask him to speak in English, and then make a quick exit? He already spoke in english, right. Whats that? He said something again. OHHH, i'm only showing the kids a video."

"Ok, sure I will take your classes."

I did another 40 laps again today. Some little Spanish girl kept asking me something, I dont really have a clue what it was - I just kept nodding and swimming past here. The swimming all felt a bit empty today seeing that I have given up my life long ambition. Well, at least today I got some exercise!

I have been invited to a teachers breakfast tomorrow morning to celebrate the end of the school year. Apparantly it is an amazing breakfast served buffet style. Maybe I will not eat anything from now until then in preparation. I am hoping, nay praying, that when they say breakfast they mean English breakfast. I wont hold my breath.

It has been a long blog to day, which goes alongside the long day. Im tired, so I will probably go and watch some TV. That should do it. So, I will say my 'apple pies', and send you my 'white dove'.

Love always,


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